I don’t know exactly what I want.

I don’t know exactly what I need.

But at least I know what I like? That’s got to be worth something.

decisions decisions

I can’t make up my mind so I’m just going to blog out my thoughts.

Part of me is just stubborn and is relentless to give up the dream

The other half is arguing that logically this makes no sense. By looking at my life I am obviously not the ideal candidate.

But then I’ve always believed in myself…..

On the other hand, the last time I was this stubborn I ended up in the ER with 3 bruised ribs…….and i’m still broken

But when has being broken ever held me back? When have I ever not done something because I was injured or damaged

Which supports the thought that I should just call it quits. Heal and fix the stuff that’s going on now…..

And again, I’m too strong willed. This is why I always get owned…..

sigh. I can already see how this is going to play out

-I’m going to push myself and complete this

-fix what i need to fix

-Get rejected

-Realize it was a waste of my life

-Then get up and try it again

-And in between it all I’m going to wear myself out doing the things that are probably better for me like landing that job and studying for the various examinations I want to take.

My professor once told me that hardiness is the best indicator for success. I may be hardy, but it’s killing me. Blessing and curse in one, I can’t be happy without fighting for it, can’t be happy letting it go.


the good thing about falling is that you get really good at getting back up again. 

with the curtains drawn and a little last night on these sheets.

So how come when I reach out my fingers it seems like more than distance between us?

In this california king bed, we were 10,000 miles apart

I’ve been california wishing on these stars…..

oh Rihanna. You put it just right.

Somewhere only we know

I’m just at that point where I don’t know. And all of those deep seated problems that we as humans naturally have, are coming out. Everyone is scared of trust, commitment, and the future to some degree. I guess it’s how you handle it on the outside. 

The heart and the head is like an ipod and a computer. In order for everything to be complete you need to sync them, but it’s hard to do that if the computer isn’t registered to that computer…..

You can argue all you want that living in the present is all you need. That all you need is to feel happy in that one moment, and when moment has passed you move with it and that’s that…but to reduce life to just moments where you’re happy and having a good time is lying to yourself. As humans, we have other emotions than just being happy for a reason.

The happy moments stick with me because the dark moments contrast so much…to put it in more physiological terms, feelings are like mach bands. The heart is like the eyes and when you think of the happy times, the happy memories seem that much happier then times that were dark. By the same token, the dark times seem much darker next to happy memories. And so, you get this contrast in life. Who wants to live a life of one color with no contour or contrast?

Yea. I think about things to much. Yes I worry too much. Yes I probably should just enjoy how things make me feel and have a good time. But I have to know what it means to me. Maybe I want life to mean more than it does, but without that drive I would be so much less ambitious and motivated than I am.

Yes, feeling crappy, scared, or depressed sucks, but it’s in those moments that you realize the gravity of every moment that takes your breath away. <3

You know what the difference is between me and you? I have ambition and the determination to reach my goals. That is why I know I will be a success. And you can just sit there and smirk away :)

If you never expect anything of yourself and other people, you will never be disppointed


If you never expect anything, life will never get better

So do you chance being disappointed in exchange for the possibility of getting expectations met, so that higher expectations can be developed and reached….

Or do you stay comfortable and content staying behind the starting line…..

and never even trying to reach the finish line?

If you stay behind the starting line after the gun goes off, everyone will pass you by.

True fact.

today was that day

it was that time

and that was all that he wrote for me…



1. Men who say “I know what it means to be a man” most likely know nothing about what it means to be a man. 

2. Instead of being so focused on being a man, why don’t you aim for being a good person and a good leader. That’s pretty much “being a man”.

3. There are plenty of women who knows what it means to be a man.

Day 2….

So it’s been way past Day 2…haven’t been sticking to the challenge because of school. Hopefully I’ll make it up now!

Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr name 

Um. I’m short. I wish I was sweet. And I like the number 7. Brevity is a necessity.

I tell good stories

  To Phill, in hopes that he will smile and be optimistic:)

  Once upon a time there was a boy and a girl. They fell in love, and even though they were a country apart, they were trying to make it work. Times were hard and money was tight. As resources got scarce, the couple started to fight about menial things…which compiled to even bigger things. First it started off with the dishes, then mowing the lawn, then paying the bills late by mistake! Tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife! But in the end, they realized that when it came down to it, they still cared about each other and decided to ride the hard times and hope for the best. Then one day, the extreme home makeover crew accidentally came to their house while they were away. When they came back, their home was completely demolished! The boy said to let it go, but the girl was completely devastated and wanted to file a lawsuit.

    She went online and found the number for the makeover foreman. Unfortunately, when she called, she found out that the foreman had been M.I.A. since two years ago, and a temp who didn’t know anything was filling his spot. The temp explained to her that he didn’t know what he was doing and had a hard time finding houses to work on for the show, so out of DESPERATION DEMOLISHED their house! It was supposed to be their “surprise episode”. So the girl asked the foreman who was in charge of approving the show and he said to contact the director.

   So the girl looked up the director online and was surprised to see that it was the same director who made RA & Shaun of the Dead (a cheesy spin off about the dead Egyptian King Ra who comes back in a slimy and disgusting Zombie role). When she called the director, the director told her, “All of my funding is gone! this show is hitting the bottom of the barrel. I’m losing my popularity with the ladies and I’m SICILIAN! I’m sorry we demolished your house but think about it this way, it’ll get great ratings right?” By this time, the girl was furious. So she demanded, “Who do I contact to file a complaint?”. The director said, go to the Network HQ.

So the girl packed up her things and traveled to the NY area in order to meet with the ceo. When she got there she, realized that she recognized the CEO! It was George Zero, the recently released from incarceration for fraud. He had been put away for counterfeit products like the hit single “Angel in a bottle” sung by an auto-tuned robot, and KY-get it IN!, the KY touch knock off that ended up recalled because it used ground cat hair as a libido enhancer, causing nasty, embarassing welts from allergic reaction. 

The girl walked up to the shady CEO and exclaimed, “You demolished my house without my permission!!! I want you to pull the episode and rebuild my house!” The  CEO responded, “but the surprise demo is projected to give us 2 million views! we can’t pull it!” Realizing, that the demolition was a hit, the girl thought about how to make the best of the situation. She went home and called her neighborhood lawyer to discuss their possibilities.

The next day, she went to the CEO and slapped a hefty lawsuit on him. In it she demanded that she receive 100% of the profits for the show and her house rebuilt in a separate episode from which she would receive 100% of the profit. If the CEO did not agree, he would be taken to court and evidence of shoddy workmanship, hazardous work conditions. 

Not willing to go to jail again…or court, the CEO decided to give the girl what she wanted. And she went back home triumphant to her boy and they lived HAPPILY EVER AFTER! The end!

The moral of the story. Fight for what you love. Stand up for what you believe in. And when you hit a wall and the going gets tough, try, try, again. Use your creativity to problem solve!